Rant #2

The Powerful

Let me just start by saying that for the first time in my life, about 10 minutes ago, I was asked, by an adult mind you, how far along I am after having just said "I see that you are expecting"... Hello people?? Have you ever heard the rule to never ask a women if they are pregnant?? I never knew how bad that actually sucked to be asked that. To be "fat enough" that someone thought you were pregnant. Not a good feeling. It is actually a terrible feeling. Kinda punches you in the gut and I swear I could almost feel the wind get knocked out of me. I held it together long enough to make it to the car though. My sweet husband after trying to tell me how perfect I am, fell silent, knowing that no words could fix that moment. I don't want to feel like this anymore. 
Remember how I was saying that I had a conversation with my husband the other day that got me ranting and thinking? It may seem pretty obvious, the content of the rant, but it doesn't really hold any meaning until it actually happens to you and you realize the power of it.
Well, I will start off with saying I was not always overweight and unhealthy. I used to be fairly skinny actually. Not toned by any means, but skinny (see photo). But the most important fact about that time is not that I was thin, it isthat I was happy and so unconcerned about the mundane worries of my body unlike now. I had so much more energy to use toward living life, good thoughts and dreaming with confidence of my future. Everything seemed clear, I was sure in my decisions and comfortable in my own skin. Not because I had it all figured out, but because I didn't have to obsess about being overweight and I could focus on more important things, I wasn't spending so much time putting myself down, I had more confidence and I was healthier, not only in body, but mind (which is an important, probably the most important, part of it all). 

Now of course I want all of those things back again, but what I had failed to truly deeply realize until now is the lack of health issues I had back then. I remember saying in a previous post that "I guess it would be good not to get any diseases either" as an afterthought to being skinny. Skinny, being the reason all of these years that I have wanted to eat healthy. Not the fact that, despite how I hate to admit it, I already have some of those unwanted diseases or side effects of the unhealthy lifestyle. 
I already named a few, but for some reason it really resonated with me as I was complaining to my husband about them. My husband who is born thin and tall so of course I am so jealous he doesn't have to do a thing different to look much different if he doesn't want too. That same said husband who starting complaining back to me about symptoms he has been having that he hasn't had since he was in 7th Grade! And my coworker who is thin and beautiful who eats Chic-Fil-A and Cafe Rio everyday, but has been experiencing severe stomach pain in her stomach and spleen. And ME. Who has Seborrheic Dermatitis (my scalp looks like a snowball exploded), rashes on my ankles and feet (which they think might belong to Lupus), daily headaches, bumps all over my arms and legs and much more. Not only is it a huge pain in the rear, but it is also very embarrassing and it inflicts me mentally and physically everyday! 
The simple fact is: when I ate real foods I had no problems, but once I gave into processed foods I developed diseases and became overweight. It is truly hard to believe I have turned into someone that has diseases from processed foods. I never thought it would lead here and I am realizing now, this is the problem. Not being thin, being sick. It took 3 years of eating like this for it to catch up with me, but it did and I wish from the bottom of my heart that I didn't let it get this far. All of the time I kept thinking "I will start next Monday". Take it from me: Do it NOW! There is no time to waste. Everyday you put it off you are taking away from a brighter future. It doesn't matter what you look like, it matters what you feel like.